homesick at best
i should clarify that i'm not homesick for home as it were a place but rather home as a fellowship of belonging. i'm not saying i don't belong here. i certainly feel very welcomed and have a blast, but rather that at the end of the day i'm still missing aspects of home that i only get on occasion now. all of this begs a question. what is home? i just spent 6 days last week harvesting wheat for my extended family and i was reflecting on the experiences once again. when i was younger i used to nearly burst into tears when i had to leave their house only because i knew that what i was going back to wasn't nearly as good. i've since mostly grown out of that almost temporary depression especially now that i live entirely on my own. but this time it struck me again. the slow country life. the freedoms of working for yourself. so much of their life surrounds gods creations and the church. i never realized that as much as i did this time. i never thought about how much time they really had to spend on things that matter because of what they do for a living. farming is their life and identity and yet it doesn't define them. rather what defines them is how they choose to live their life with the freedoms that come from working for yourself and so directly with gods creation. there is a calm sort of sense around that even when things seem to go entirely wrong, nothing has really completely fallen out of place, but has rather can be fixed with a little time and some prayer. its very much a less stressful type of lifestyle which i would imagine falls closer in line with what jesus has intended than the go-go-go mentality so many people have.
and so i continue to plan and dream that my someday might be something similar.
-rmv
walmart and greater life
i was waiting to checkout out at one of the institutions i happen to despise (i only frequent for specific items and because i can walk there and back) and looking around at the people milling around the checkout stations. then i wondered, how many people go their entire lives not realizing that everything around them: the items they were purchasing, the tile floors, the checkout computers, the glass doors, the parking lot outside, their cars, their houses and the streets outside them, their schools and jobs, everything they see and know was created and is maintained by man. you have to look far and hard to find something original, something untainted by man, built by god himself. we try so hard to create beauty in the midst of the human condition, we even use some of gods original ingredients, but it never comes together like what he can do. if you've ever been to one of those places that absolutely takes your breath away, you know what i mean. its like you can't stop admiring and don't believe what you're seeing all at the same time. and only because you don't understand how it was made or its maker fully.
none of this life that we try so hard to accomplish day in and day out has to be. its unbelievable really. we work so hard to support the system and build "a life" or catch the "american dream", but none of the laws and rules and leaders and governments were ever instituted by god. everything we put effort into (at least almost everything) is to support the fallen institutions of man. all of which begs the question, what would a system that is god-breathed look like. i can tell you for sure, it would most certainly be nothing like what we consider wonderful or good, pretty much nothing like we've ever even dreamed.
now for these fudge bars....
ryan
this has been a *wow* week
first off, i'd like to say i'm praying for all the people affected by the recent stormy weather. many people have lost their homes, businesses, belongings and loves ones. it chokes me up to think about their situation. i am sick to the bottom of my stomach.
i'm really troubled when people tell me that they believe god will not give us more than we can handle. i don't believe it. not because i've decided i'm in over my head but rather because i believe thats one of the ways he molds us into his children. he must break us, down deep, in order to rebuild us into something better than before. i believe he gives us more than we THINK we can handle in order to shape us into more Christ-like beings.
beauty is health and health is beauty.
rmv
looking up from under water
so much of my life can be described through song and today is no different
i struggle with how to treat people who are (lets just say it) old and yet still continue to live their lives as if they just left high school or college. dude, that was 40+ years ago! (and the girls you are eyeing are waaaaaaaay too young to give you the time of day) yet you speak of it as if it happened only last week. were those the fondest memories from your life? have things not continually improved? have you not grown wiser?
i suppose life would be pretty empty without joy or purpose or calling (personal pleasure can only take you so far and it is best lived in the younger years). its no wonder you talk about your high school days so vividly, its the only part of your life that you REALLY lived (and really in the wrong sense), but if its all you can pull back on to get a feeling of happiness or good living, i am sad.
somewhere along the way, in all the church services attended, all the schooling, travels, all the charities you supported, and in the raising of your own family, you missed something.
and i will NEVER end up like you.
"wake up to the sunlight with your windows open"